Day 75: Off to the South...

When I booked my tickets for Spain, I only had plans and a place to sleep  until 10th of August, yet I booked it 'til the 18th. I just knew I wouldn't be ready to go that soon - that I would meet somebody in Spain and I would want to stretch out my time there as long as possible. I knew that everything would fall into place and my last week would be one of the best weeks of the entire summer. I didn't really tell anybody this, though - I knew I sounded a little over-certain of myself. But when I clicked on "Confirm" for the date of my return, I smiled to myself, wondering what crazy adventure I'd have gotten myself into by August 11th.

And here I am!

Damn.

Sometimes I swear - I don't know how to feel about it all. I got online this morning and the big story on Yahoo! News was about the famine in Somalia and the parents that have had to leave their dying kids on the side of the road as they walked days and days without much water or food in order to get help. And then I look at where I am and what I'm doing and I can't help but feel uneasy - it makes me feel guilty, it makes me wonder if I'm not sufficiently grateful, it makes me worry that I'm not doing enough for others and more than anything (and most egotistically of all) it makes me feel like my good fortune might be entirely precarious itself.

I've had the most amazing past few months that I could have ever imagined. The thought of going back to America makes me feel like it's all going to end. It makes me worry that this is it - enjoy it while I can, because when I return, there's no more happiness to go around. I know this is silly, but I can't help wondering what if it's the truth. And yes, while such awful things are going on in the world, I hardly have any right to worry about my own happiness, and yet I suppose it's in fact a very Human Thing to Do.

And then I read a Sugar column and life feels okay again. <3 "A bit of sully in your sweet. Not perfection, but real love. Not what you imagine, but what you’d never dream."

I love my life as it stands. I love where I am and where I came from and how I got here. I feel as though this journey is deserving of an image (a future tattoo?) and the only image I can come up with stems from a greeting card I once bought for myself years and years ago and signed and hid under my bed for me to read whenever I was feeling down. On the front of the card it had a little baby duck standing on a little plank of wood, looking down at a little pot of water. The inside of the card read something like, "You can do it."


Of all the things that ducky inside of me has done, this is pretty tricky - but I'm asking it to enjoy the hell out of this weekend and not worry about what's coming - 'cause it will all be ok.

XOXO
Jet-set Cupcake