"To live is to be slowly born."

I found myself on that bench, eating my bread, cheese and fruit, gazing out over the sea and in that instant I felt more myself than I had in months. Nothing felt new. I didn't need to be anybody else. It was all ephemeral in an ever-lasting sort of way. And that small, warm, squishy feeling of bliss bloomed and hummed like it has a propensity to do when I get it so right and everything is exactly how it was meant to be.

"I've got a tight grip on reality,
but I can't
let go of what's in front of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning
when you wake up
leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream."

And right now? I'm sitting on the couch with my chocolate coffee and my chocolate napolitana and I'm torn between crying until I run out of tears or getting my ass in gear, showering, calling my familia and going out to make something of my antipenultimate morning. So far, the tears are winning.

The ineffability of yesterday (and this weekend) was something that would only happen right before a long journey. When I left for the cruise I could talk myself out of this feeling of completeness, but not anymore. I'd told myself I'd accomplished everything I was supposed to here, and that I needed to take all the happiness I'd been given here and use it wherever I ended up. But I don't feel that way anymore.

I cried the night before I left America. I cried and cried and cried and was petrified of letting go of everything I loved for an unknown future in an unknown country with unknown people. And now that I have to leave that future (present) I adore in the country I adore with the people I more than adore - I feel like my allegiances are divided. Of course I still love everything I loved when I was in America - but I'm going back with my heart filled with more happiness and joy than I knew possible. Is it okay to stretch your heart across so many continents? Can it break from the distance, or is it rubbery enough to withstand it?

I know my own; I signed up for a jet-set journey where others settle with "life" and in the fine print it warned me about this. I took a deep breath and reminded myself sometimes you have to hug "Goodbye" before you can hug "Hello." But it hardly seems fair to those that didn't sign that disclaimer before arriving on planet earth.

"Tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé." <-- I hope I'm doing it right. I fear I'm not.

"You risk tears if you let yourself be tamed."
"What does that mean -- tame?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."
"To establish ties?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world...."
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."

*crying* <3
XOXO
Jet-set Cupcake